I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
