Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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