I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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