she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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