thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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