Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
