I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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