You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
