Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
