Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
