i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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