ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My liver just broke up with me...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Text me some of your sweat
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