while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
