Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
