I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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