Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize