Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
