K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
