I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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