What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He felt like a one man threesome
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
