I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize