Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
