Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
