I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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