Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize