i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
