I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We had to coat check the pizza.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
