I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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