I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
