So drunk, too bad you don't want this
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
