I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
