I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
