FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
