I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
