With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
