Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
