just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
