How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
