It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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