Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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