I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
