where am i from again
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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