I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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