I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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