We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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