dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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