I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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