That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
