Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
