My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
