so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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