see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
