The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
