WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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