Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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