This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
