God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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