I can tuck mytits in my pants
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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