The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
