Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
