There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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