You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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