we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
